They are…

Mitt Romney has a slogan…

…Every “Town” Counts.

This morning, just after 7:00 AM EST, the United States Senate passed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, marking a major step forward in the fight for health care reform. This comes after weeks of intense debate involving a million procedural motions that no one outside the beltway understands. Comparatively speaking, the House passed its bill in a relatively normal fashion, believe it or not.

In a funny turn of events, when Senator Reid cast his vote, he accidentally voted no before throwing the Mason sign begging for forgiveness and changing his vote to yes.

Now the fun part begins. The House and Senate health care bills are radically different and have to be reconciled.  Of course, there are House members who are threatening not to support the provisions in the Senate bill and vice-versa.  This is your government hard at work, folks, hard at work.

It’s been a long and arduous process getting to this point. Efforts to achieve universal health care actually began with Theodore Roosevelt. You can check out our humorous history of health care reform here.

I think this Weird Al Yankovic video pretty much sums up the McCain-Palin relationship.

And you thought I was speaking metaphorically…

Here’s a little Friday night fun for you.  A while back the President and First Lady were at the UN and took photos with foreign heads of state or dignitaries from about 130 countries, and someone turned them into a 20 second video.

Doesn’t sound that interesting, does it?  Well just watch President Obama’s smile.  It’s unbelievably consistent.  No matter who he’s standing by, the President manages to paste on that same ear-to-ear grin.  Just hilarious!

As the video’s creator said:

Ladies and gentlemen, your President is a robot. Or a wax sculpture. Maybe a cardboard cutout. All I know is no human being has a photo smile this amazingly consistent.

If you’d like to caption a picture of President Obama’s smiling mug, just click “Recaption this pic!” below.

Admiral Michael Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, is trying his hand at a new career.

Below are four of the official sponsors of the United Nations 2009 Climate Change Conference being held in Copenhagen.

On Saturday, SNL did a sketch on President Obama and the Salahis. You remember them, Michaele and Tareq, the couple that crashed the President’s first state dinner. It’s not Saturday Night Live’s greatest political comedy skit, but it’s not bad. At four minutes, it drags on a bit to long. If you just want the highlights, start watching about two minutes in.

Want to caption a photo of this sketch? Click “Recaption this pic!” below.

The Senate’s top Republican shows off his new moves.

You tell me which one is the Pentagon briefing and which one is Saturday Night Live.

In case you don’t know who the Miller High Life Delivery Guy is:

context

Photo: Flickr user dpetrus

On a more serious note, a sincere thank you to all of our service men and women who are serving away from home this Thanksgiving.

From Thanksgiving Last Year:

This morning President Obama pardoned a turkey named Courage.  Courage now gets to live out his days at Disneyland.  Yesterday, the White House put out a trailer previewing Courage’s date with destiny.

I have a bad habit of starting too many projects.  I started another one last night called Recessions Aren’t Funny.  Of course, it’s tongue in cheek because the site is full of recession jokes.  I’ve still got a lot of work to do on  it, but for now you can go vote on your favorite recession jokes.

If you have feedback or ideas about the site, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.  Of course, as I said, this site is in it’s early stages.  I built it in about 3 hours last night, so it’s pretty rough around the edges.

Last night Vice President Joe Biden appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, discussing Sarah Palin, the economy, Amtrak, and more. This is Biden’s first appearance on the Daily Show as Vice President, but it’s his sixth time on the show. At the bottom of this post are links to his other five interviews with Jon.

Want to caption a pic of Joe Biden and Jon Stewart? Click “Recaption this pic!” below.

Senator Joe Biden on the Daily Show:

• January 2004
• July 2004
• August 2005
• January 2007
• August 2007

Sarah Palin’s book, Going Rogue*, is being released today. In “honor” of that I thought I’d give you the chance to tell the world what you think Sarah is thinking or saying. Just write her thoughts/words in the comments below. The best one will be featured on PoliticLOLz.

*Financial Disclosure

Carrie Prejean appeared on Larry King Live to promote her new book, Still Standing. Apparently, Larry King is inappropriate, which, I can understand. Larry does do some hard-hitting journalism.
Financial Disclosure

You can pick up a copy of Prejean’s new book, Still Standing, on Amazon.
Financial Disclosure

If you don’t believe me, check out the Interim CDC Guidance for Public Gatherings in Response to Human Infections with Novel Influenza A (H1N1).

All Americans owe a debt of gratitude to our veterans and current military personnel that can never be repaid.   They have placed their lives at risk to protect our freedoms.  This is especially true for those of us who, like myself, publicly mock those in power.  Were it not for the brave men and women who serve in uniform, it is highly unlikely I would be living in a country where such things are allowed.  So to all those who honorably served and are serving I say:

Michelle Obama appeared on Sesame Street today, helping to celebrate the show’s 40th anniversary and teaching kids about healthy eating.  Someone did a hilarious remix.  I’ll just shut up now and let you watch.

I couldn’t resist posting this great video of David Hasselhoff singing at the fall of the Berlin Wall, and here’s a picture as well. David Hasselhoff is inherently funny.

Find more videos like this on HoffSpace

Today is the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, which marked the end of the cold war. A little known fact is that when US President Ronald Reagan made the famous statement, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” the wall wasn’t actually torn down then. President Reagan made that statement as part of a larger speech on June 12, 1987. It wasn’t until two-and-a-half years later on November 9, 1989 that the wall was actually torn down.

You may or may not be aware (I wasn’t until moments ago) that Glenn Beck wrote a novel called The Christmas Sweater.

Of course, you can now allow Glenn Beck to influence your children as well.  Just released is The Christmas Sweater: A Picture Book.  Give your kids a head start on mindless following learning with this literary and artistic masterpiece!

Financial Disclosure

Pecora Flooring’s phone number is 412-825-3780, and their website is http://www.pecoraflooring.com/. I’m just sayin’. Thanks to Pittsburgh Channel 11 WPXI and Jasiri X.

Tonight, the House of Representatives passed comprehensive health care reform by a vote of 220 to 215.  Read more of our coverage here.

Earlier today President Barack Obama headed to Capitol Hill to lobby for health care reform.  We have an exclusive look inside his closed-door meeting with House Democrats.

A few days ago a group of teenagers pulled up to McDonalds and rapped their order. They were inspired by a video on YouTube where some other youngsters did the same thing. The McDonald’s employees called the police, as if rapping your order is a crime, and the police cited the teens with disorderly conduct. (I have no idea why.) Some friends of mine and I once sang an order at a fast food place, White Castle if memory serves. I’m glad I don’t have a record because of it.

Hat tip to The Moderate Voice and The Young Turks.

And here’s the original video that served as the teens’ inspiriation. It’s a bit long, but if you watch the first 30 seconds or so, you’ll get the point.

Woman: Somebody’s really drunk driving down Granton Road…
Dispatcher: Okay, are you behind them or…
Woman: No, I am them.

Yes, it’s true, a Mary Strey called 911 to report a drunk driver. She then proceeded to tell the dispatcher that she was the one who was drunk.

As Jeff Foxworthy said, “True stuff is the funniest stuff.”

If you’d like to caption Ms. Strey’s mugshot, you can do so here.

Transcript:
Dispatcher: 911
Woman:Somebody’s really drunk driving down Granton Road.
Dispatcher: Which way are they going?
Woman:They are going, um…
Dispatcher: Towards Granton or towards Gailsville
Woman:Towards Granton
Dispatcher: Okay, are you behind them or…
Woman:No, I am them.
Dispatcher: You am them?
Woman:Yes, I am them?
Dispatcher: Okay, so you want to call and report that you’re driving drunk?
Woman:Yes
Dispatcher: Okay, what’s your name?
Woman: Mary
Dispatcher: Okay, hold on one second, Mary, okay?
Woman:Okay
Dispatcher: Are you still driving right now?
Woman:Yes
Dispatcher: Do you want to stop driving before you get in an accident?
Woman:Yes, I will stop.
Dispatcher: Okay, are you going to stop right now?
Woman:Okay, I’m stopping.
Dispatcher: Okay, just hang on the phone, okay? What’s your last name, Mary?
Woman:Strey
Dispatcher: Are you stopped right now?
Woman:Yes I am.
Dispatcher: What kind of vehicle do you have, Mary?
Woman:I have a Saturn. Can I take my seatbelt off?
Dispatcher: If you’re stopped.
Woman:Yes, I’m stopped.
Dispatcher: If you’re stopped, that’s fine, yeah.
Woman:I’m in park.
Dispatcher: Okay
Woman:Can I take my seatbelt off?
Dispatcher: Yeah, as long as you’re not driving, as long as you’re not moving.
Woman:Can I turn my car off and just turn the flashers on.
Dispatcher: Yep, that’s fine if you want to turn it off and turn the flashers on, so then we can find you. Okay, just hold on one second again, Mary.

I’ve decided to start a new feature called “Real News.”  While we’re a place for satire, parody, just flat out fake news, sometimes the true stuff is hilarious.  So, we’ll be on the lookout for real news stories that are funny, odd, or flat out weird.  If you hear of any stories that you think fit this description (or if you have any other content that you think should appear on PoliticLOLz) e-mail it to .

So, to kick us off here’s some real news.

• Swine Flu Fisticuffs
• Stay at The Galactic Suite Space Resort
• Finger Flickin’ FAIL

Hat tip to Wizbang Pop!

No disrespect whatsoever is meant by this. It’s just funny. In fact, the video was posted to YouTube by the soldier himself.

If you’d like to caption a picture of from this video, click “Recaption this pic!” below, but I won’t use anything that’s disrespectful.

For those of you unfamiliar with Dunder Mifflin, more information is available on their website.  Pay special attention to the bottom right hand corner of their home page.

Apparently the Barackula mask has been a hot seller this Halloween. You can get yours here. You might also be interested in the Barack Obama Zombie Mask, the regular Barack Obama Mask, or the Michelle Obama Mask.

And if you think you’ve got some scary Barack captions, click here and here.

I’m not usually the biggest Jimmy Kimmel fan, but he did a great spot where he went to a black barber shop to help figure out which jokes are appropriate and which would be deemed too racially offensive. There are two videos here, but if you’ve only got time for one, watch the second. It’s funnier.

Want to caption a pic of Jimmy in the barber shop? Click here!

The US GDP rose a healthy 3.5% in the third quarter of 2009, signaling that the economy may be starting to rebound from the global recession. Earlier today, President Barack Obama responded to this news:

If you haven’t seen the video of the cat who betrayed his girlfriend, you should watch it. Okay, back now? Now check out this remake that someone did with Obama the Cat.

ObamaCat Betrays America

Want to caption a pic of these cats? Click here!

Cat Betrays Girlfriend

Even if you don’t know who T-Pain is and have never heard of Auto-Tuning, this should still make you laugh, but if you’d like a little more info, check this out.

Want to caption a picture of President Obama and T-Pain? Click “Recaption this pic!” below.

UPDATE: Here’s Michelle’s full interview in two parts.
Here’s an excerpt from First Lady Michelle Obama’s appearance on The Jay Leno Show. Stay tuned for the full Ten at Ten segment tomorrow.

To caption a pic of the First Lady on The Jay Leno Show, click “Recaption this pic!” below.

Peter Hitchener, a newscaster for Melbourne’s Channel 9, keeps his cool while a gigantic seagull strolls around behind him.

The LAPD just released a new Public Service Announcement encouraging people to report suspicious activity, but the message seemed a little… spooky.  It wasn’t just the content of the message that was problematic; it was the tone as well.  I’ve reworked the video with some title slides to give you the real meaning behind the message.

Please note that nothing else about the video was changed (except for cutting a few boring seconds off the end).  I’ve also put the original video below so you can decide for yourself. (Hat tip to Ben Smith at Politico for bringing the video to my attention.)

Original:

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Nick Griffin, he’s the head of the British National Party (BNP), an ultraconservative (read: racist) political party. There has been quite an uproar over his scheduled appearance on the respected BBC talk show “Question Time.” Well we have our own question for Mr. Griffin:

Yes, even the news makes mistakes sometimes.  Consider this cold case suspect:

And here’s one of my personal favorites.  A picture of a horse getting shot from NBC’s DC affiliate:

I live in DC, and let me tell you, this kind of thing is common on our NBC station.  Visit BuzzFeed for 19 more news funnies, and thanks to Andrew Sullivan and Evan for the heads up.

Late Tuesday there was a rumor circulating around the Internet that Kanye West had died.  To put an end to the confusion, Kanye released the following statement.

Yo Richard, I’m really happy for you, and I’mma let you finish, but my death was the greatest hoax of all time!

Some activists called The Yes Men took to the streets (or the Capitol steps as the case may be) to protest against global warming. They’re wearing “survival suits” that will supposedly protect them from the effects of climate change. However, police are a different matter…

Honestly, I think he may have taken a dive.

Thanks to the Yes Men for the thumbnail pic. If you’d like to caption a picture of these crazy balls, click the “Recaption this pic!” link below.

Earlier today President Obama issued a challenge to his supporters: Make 100,000 calls to Congressional offices in support of Health Care Reform. As of the writing of this post, the goal was raised to 200,000 calls, and Presidential supporters are getting close to meeting that goal.  However, Congressional offices recently discovered that the calls weren’t all from constituents.

National Security Advisor General James Jones, left, and USSS Special Agent in Charge Joe Clancy on phones are joined by White House Senior Advisor David Axelrod; Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel; Jim Messina, Deputy Chief of Staff; White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, and National Security Counsel Chief of Staff Mark Lippert, background-right.

What do you get when you put ten Russian and Soviet leaders together in one place?

The roulette image courtesy Wikipedia user Uutela. Both that image and the overall image licensed CC Attribution-Share Alike 3.0.

This week Saturday Night Live did a sketch on the state of the health care debate. Here it is for your enjoyment.

If you want to caption a pic of The Rock Obama, click on “Recaption this pic!” below

Charges of voter fraud were rampant in Afghanistan’s most recent presidential election.  Today, findings were leaked from a UN report claiming that current President Karzai had only received 48 percent of the vote, less than the 50% + 1 required under Afghanistan’s constitution.  Should the UN findings stand, the result would be a runoff election between Karzai and his challenger, Foreign Minister Abdullah Abdullah.

In the wake of the findings, President Karzai held a press conference with former US President George W. Bush.  When asked about the report, Karzai said:

For context, read this.

By now you’ve probably heard about the “Balloon Boy” scandal, the hours long chase of a runaway hot air balloon that supposedly had a six year old boy in it.  It turns out he was hiding in his parents attic in what may have been a publicity stunt.

Either way, it’s become the stuff of internet jokes.  Well, Linden McStephen parodied the first line of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song in his Facebook status, and his friends completed the parody.  Here it is for your amusement.

Here are the lyrics to the original Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song, and below that is transcript of the original.  You can also caption a pic of the Balloon Boy Balloon if you’re interested.

Original Fresh Prince Lyrics

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said “You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air”

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought “Naw forget it. Yo homes to Bel Air”

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie “Yo homes smell ya later!”
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Parody Lyrics

And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
And I’ll tell you how I took off
In a balloon filled with hot air

In eastern Colorado born and raised
Chasin’ tornadoes is how I spent most of my days
Chillin’ in a basket, laxin’ all cool
And shootin’ some helium out by the pool
When a couple of winds who were up to no good
Started pushing me out my neighborhood
I took one little flight and my mom got scared
She said “You’re moving with your new mom from Wife Swap in a balloon filled with hot air”

I fell out of a box and won’t turn 7 or 8
And I yelled to the balloon “Going down, smell ya later!”
They Google Earth’d me on Wolf Blitzer
I was finally there
Safe in my home known as the Prince of the Air

If you can’t see the President’s facial expression, click on the image for the full size.

If you’re trying to counter something, it means you’re working against it, right?

A few hours ago I posted a list of foreign policy achievements that led the Nobel Committee to award the Nobel Peace Prize to President Barack Obama.  The list may not have been entirely fair, so I have an updated list of his foreign policy accomplishments here.

Last night both Stewart and Colbert did pieces on Obama’s trip to Copenhagen in support of Chicago’s Olympic bid. I’ve embedded Stewart’s whole opening segment (about nine minutes). I’d recommend watching all of it, as the Olympics stuff is funnier in context, but if you’re in a hurry, you can skip to about four minutes in for the Olympics piece.

Colbert’s piece is also worth checking out.

Last night both Colbert and Stewart did pieces on Obama’s trip to Copenhagen in support of Chicago’s Olympic bid. I’ve embedded Colbert’s segment below.  Stewart’s piece is also worth checking out.

I saw this animation on Flickr, and it was too good to pass up.  The file is pretty big, so give it a minute.

Thanks to Flickr user sirtrentalot for the photo.  If you decide to use this animation on your website/blog, please be sure to credit him.  It has a CC Attribution license.

In the never ending fight against the deadly H1N1 swine flu virus, a new hero has emerged, Dr. John “Doc Rapper” Clarke.

In case you missed it, here’s a clip from former President Bill Clinton’s appearance on The Late Show. Dave and Bill discuss heart surgery, fatherhood, Hillary, and Dave’s intelligence.

In case you missed it, here’s Letterman’s interview of President Obama.

That’s right, in an interview with TV Guide, Tom Delay tells us that he gets to shake his booty. You remember Tom Delay, right? Former Republican Majority Leader in the House of Representatives. Yes, he gets to shake his booty on Dancing with the Stars.

10. Heard the lady with the heart shaped potato was going to be here

9. Thought it would be fun to watch someone else get heckled

8. Has something to do with that whole Cash for Clunkers thing

7. Every President since Teddy Roosevelt has been here

6. In this economy, someone offers you $600, you take it

5. We told him Megan Fox would be here.

4. Needed a place to hang out until check-in time at his hotel

3. Honestly, I had no idea

2. Said, “Yes” without thinking…like Bush did with Iraq

1. Wanted to congratulate Dave on the big Emmy win

Last night Jon Stewart interviewed former President Bill Clinton on The Daily Show. This is the extended interview. Topics include the Clinton Global Initiative, health care, the rescue of Euna Lee and Laura Ling from North Korea, Barack Obama, among others.

This isn’t the first interview that President Clinton has done on The Daily Show. Here are the others:

• President Clinton on the Daily Show in 2008
• President Clinton on the Daily Show in 2007
• President Clinton on the Daily Show in 2006
• President Clinton on the Daily Show in 2004